The art of small talk

This morning I saw a segment on morning television that got me thinking. And that’s even if it was about something thats essentially not meant to get you thinking: Casual conversation about this and that. Or small talk.

The angle was that Danes suck at small talk. People from the rest of Nordics do too. It’s because we’re so focused on getting to the point that we consider small talk to be essentially a waste of time.

I think this is both true and false. Yes, it’s true that small talk can seem beside the point, if you’re trying to be effective about what you do and what you’re trying to achieve. But being able to small talk - and good at it - can actually be one of the most important things you can invest in to further your own self development and advance opportunities in life.

I try to be good at small talking. I use it at important meetings, because it builds rapport. It eliminates positions and nervousness. It tears down barrieres and reduces us to human beings having a conversation on equal terms. Once we have established that we can discuss and be effective about what we’re there to achieve. And we can get results.

A side effect is that we build relations from being able to small talk. We get to ‘know’ people, and people you ‘know’ are harder to say ‘no’ to, if something comes along. The potential for doing great things together - or as a freelancer getting towards an order - increases.

In this sense small talk actually becomes a very worthwhile thing.  Then why are Danes so bad at it?

I think it has to do with the Law of Jante, which among other stupid things states that you should never think too highly of yourself. When we meet someone new, we know that we have only a few moments to form an impression. And because we’re so affraid of looking like dorks, we want to spend the time well.

To us that means being very professional and business like. But it might actually have the direct opposite effect on people, who are themselves openminded and at peace with who they are. It may in fact limit our options.

There are no good reasons not to be great at small talking.